Offense vs Surrender

If there is one theme that rears its head in my life more than any other, it is to guard my heart against offense. And the one thing I have to recognize every time this theme presents itself, is that I am easily offended. This is something that I am not proud of, but I do allow more grace for myself in this area of my life --because that is exactly what I need; grace.

In my younger years, I always felt like offensive was an avenue for rising up to advocate. March! Protest! Fight! Anger was the fuel to the fire that burned within me, the fire that pushed me into the law enforcement field. I wanted to save the world! Save people from becoming victims; save people from themselves. Riding the waves of anger not only put me within a field that I was not designed to stomach, but it destroyed me. Anger is such a fantastic liar. It offers false motivations, misleading energies, and erroneous beliefs. Anger not only makes me feel strong but it offers a very delusional sense of control. Merriam Webster defines anger as so: a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism. Anger does nothing to help change the world, its sole purpose is to destroy the user. It eats you alive, and then spreads like a rabid infection through antagonism. Unbeknownst to you, anger invites all of his friend to join its wrecking crew: bitterness, contempt, jealousy, envy, rage, pride, animosity, offense, impatience, unrest, ect., ect.....

As I have come to my wiser years (Lol!!), I have discovered how dangerous anger really is. Its nothing more than a tool to consume me, distract me, and misguide me. Anger is like a house filled with termites: the house appears to be a picture of strength and beauty both inside and out; however, hiding within the walls is nothing more than brittle weakness. At any minute, the house will come shattering down --destroying everything within its wake. Anger is joyless. Anger is careless. Anger lacks love. Anger lacks integrity. Anger does not respect. Anger does not protect. Anger has no peace. Anger has no comfort.

Anger consumes us from the inside. 

Under it all, I had to go back to the root of where this falsity first started. I needed to pull this thistled weed from my heart forever. Little did I know I'd find that root while sitting at a Mom's Conference a few weeks ago. The women was speaking on surrender....of all things! I've studied this very subject countless times, but this time, she struck a chord in my that reverberated all the way to darkest places of my heart --shining a redeeming light of understanding and freedom. Here's a jist of what she said: People who grow up in broken, abusive, alcoholic, drug addicted, ect, ect, homes naturally know how to fight. It is their first response to problems and opposition; they have learned to fight, and they fight well. Although ingrained, it is a very exhausting way to live one's life, and will only result in life fatigue and heaping mountains of distrust. Surrendering to God's will and His purpose --laying down the boxing gloves and getting out of the octagon-- is the only way to real freedom.

****Mind Blown*****

As I was sitting there listening, this picture painted itself in my head (I'm very much a visual/imagery learner): I'm in this boxing ring, in the fight of my life, but I'm not standing up. I am folded over myself on the floor, exhausted, fatigued, numb, and unable to even lift my arms. I look over my shoulder and see Jesus in my corner. As He is standing there, our unseen but very present opponent goes in for the kill. My first instinct? I jump in front of Jesus to take the blow! One thought screaming in my head, "You CANNOT! Hit! My! Jesus!" What? Like I need to protect Jesus! Even when He came down from His heavenly throne, laid aside all of His God powers, and took on human form, He is by far the strongest person I have ever know! Not just physically but mentally. He was subjected to the same temptations we were, but did not sin. He wore the same burden of flesh as we do, but did not sin. He was enticed by many thing, but did not sin. While baring the burden of all human emotions, temptations, and selfishness, He conquered, He overcame, and endured the greatest physical brutalities known to man. And He didn't stop there, He overcame death! He rose to the heavenlies and reclaimed His throne, sitting at the right hand of God. Why do I think for one minute that I need to protect Jesus from anything? Because it is my learned response to opposition -- I'll battle to the death! 

Ali and Frazier by David Lloyd Glover 

Fighting gives us a false sense of control and security. Case in point: I fought my brother's battles from childhood. I defended him. I'd go before him. I shielded him. I tossed aside my self control and lost my dang mind, if anyone tried to rise up against him. In the end,  my violent responses (I'm not just talking physical violence, but verbal, and the unpredictable violence that seethes from your very presence) couldn't save him from a violent end. Violence responds exponentially! His life slipped through my very strong and capable hands, and I still to this day struggle with the guilt of my loss. I lost that fight. A devastating loss. An irrevocable loss. 

My point? Guard your heart against offense. Be watchful, alert, and ready to protect your heart and your mind. Be vigilant with your thought life! When you find that you are scrutinizing every word of a conversation you've had with your best friend, stop! If you are raking over --with a fine toothed comb-- a spat you've had with your spouse, stop! When you are consumed with over analyzing a situation --formulating rebuttals and snappy comebacks--, stop! In all of these situations (and I'm sure you can come up with your own), you are looking for a reason to be offended. Seeking a reason to respond in an angry or defensive manner. Searching for an area of control because you either feel a lack of control or you are allowing a victim mentality to dictate your actions. Or you are just plainly and simply looking for a fight, a win at any expense (your character, your relationships, ect..). Quite frankly, your pursuit for offense could very well be a culmination of all the above. 


True freedom can only come through complete surrender. I know! I know! Surrender is a terrible word to use with peoples who fight for a living. Even looking up the definition makes me want to shy away from doing so. I am not taking about an earthly surrender, but a heavenly one.


Rick Warren defines biblical surrender so beautifully:
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You know you're surrendered to God when you rely on God to work things out instead of trying to manipulate others, force your agenda, and control the situation. You let go and let God work. You don't have to always be in charge. Instead of trying harder, you trust more.

You also know you're surrendered when you don't react to criticism and rush to defend yourself.

Surrendered hearts show up best in relationships. You are not self-serving, you don't edge others out, and you don't demand your rights.

Genuine surrender says, "Father, if this problem, pain, sickness, or circumstance is needed to fulfill your purpose and glory in my life or in another's life, please don't take it away!"

This level of maturity doesn't come easy. In Jesus' case, he agonized so much over God's plan that he sweated drops of blood. Surrender is hard work. In our case, it requires intense warfare against our self-centered nature.
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Biblical surrender is another kind of warfare. A warfare that leads you out of bondage and into true lasting freedom. At its root, it saves you from yourself, your broken past, your learned behaviors, your destructive thinking patterns, and your failed relationship. It puts a stop to victim-hood and victim mentality, and sets up a cleansing room where every hurt and wound is healed, restored, and made new. Where we don't have to walk in the past, make decisions based on hurts, or be consumed with stinkin' thinkin'. It is a place that strips away the bad and fills it with something beautiful. It takes you from brokenness to wholeness. Surrendering isn't about being weak and caving to the whims of the world or people. Surrendering is everything about being set free from the things that inhibit us from being fully present, experiencing the fullness of happiness and joy, and being/doing everything God created us to be/do. I don't want to miss out on that, do you?

He will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
~Isaiah 61:3 (NLT)