1. Your husband is a man! I know I've said it before, but I must say it again: Your Man is a Man! Men do not communicate like we do: they are one word answers and/or silent listeners. Women can never use the prior sentence to describe themselves. We interject (okay, also called interrupt, lol), we offer advice (fixers at the core), we provide examples to prove that our advice it tired and true, and we simply talk, talk, talk, talk, talk! Don't except your man to do anything in that last sentence. Don't except your husband to respond like your best girlfriend does, and do not chastise him when he doesn't. It will only set you up for a fight that you will lose, and a fight that will push your husband away from you.
Solution: Let him be who he is! Simple and probably the hardest thing you will do! Lol!
2. Do not mother your husband! Everything about this is going to end very badly for both of you. Here's the deal, if you treat him like a child, he will act like one, and totally resent you for it. If you don't trust him with the matters of your house, your children, or your finances, why in the heck did you marry him? I'm curious! If he doesn't have experience with being a man because of his childhood, or bad parenting, be the one who lets him grow into the man he is meant to be. Could you imagine living with your mother? Everyday, all day long, having her dictate everything you do or do not do! EEeeek! Now imagine your relationship with either parent never changing ---they still treat you like a five year old! Grrrrr! If this describes you, it should not be a mystery as to why your sex life and relationship sucks! It's impossible to be physically attracted to a parental figure! Just gross!! And just as equal for the parent, it is physically impossible to be attracted to someone you are parenting! Comprende?!?
Solution: Give your husband back his 'wings' and let him fly! He will never learn anything new or grow as person, or become efficient in his giftings, unless you surrender your controlling ways and let him try. Unchain him and let him be free!
Example: In our home, I'm better with the finances; however, John knows everything I'm doing. I write down our monthly budget (nothing fancy) and he reviews it, and has every bit of the power that I do to change it! Even if I think we should or should not do something, I change what he wants to change. And this isn't a poor-little-weak-wife submissiveness, because I'm seriously strong minded (I'm putting it very nicely, Lol). We talk it out. I tell him why I made the decision I did, and he gets to tell me his. I respect that and he respects me. Change is good, right! Lol!
3. You do not have ESP and neither does he! You cannot pretend you know what he his thinking! Just because you can predict what your hubby is going to order at a restaurant, how he is going to respond to a co-worker, or where he'd prefer to go on Saturday morning (and vice-a-versa) does not equate in any way, shape, or form that you (or he) knows his (your) inner most thoughts.
Solution: Don't fool yourself! Repeat to yourself, if you have to, "He cannot read my mind!" Tell him what you need him to know, give words to your thoughts --that is the only way he is going to have any clue as to what is going on with you. He may be able to see that you are upset, mad, sad, happy, but he doesn't know 'the whys' unless you speak them! Use your words! (lol) And never, ever interject your negative self-talking life into his mind. He, 99.999% of the time, is not thinking, not even close, to what is happening in your head! And remember your are living your life in real time! This is not a perfectly written movie or book that has been edited to perfection. He is not some flawlessly made up character and neither are you!
4. This fits very nicely with #3: Do not try to find double meanings to his words or actions. Unless you married a passive aggressive beast, quit trying to find the 'meaning' behind everything he does! Trying to seek out negative meanings is only going to land you with a hand full and head full of things that carry only negative values.
Solution: His bad habits are not a reflection of his love and respect for you, and neither are yours. Stop placing a garage sale value sticker on everything he does or does not do! He forgot your birthday, because he is oblivious to such things! It is not solely an act against you, he doesn't know or acknowledge (unless you remind him) anyone's birthday! Remind him!!! Where he is weak, you are strong! You are the one that is being nasty by withholding information that is necessary to his success. And for the love of God, give him a list of things that you want! Help a fellow out!! Set him up for success. Quit setting traps for him to hang himself with, and then being furious when he does. Let your grace and patience be bigger than his faults because he does that for you.
5. FORGIVE!!! If we are going to get through this life together we must learn to forgive each other, daily! And real forgiveness! Not the kind of forgiveness that gives a temporary get-out-of-jail-free-card that is used up on his next mistake --which is nothing more than being "Bad Feeling Collectors". I'm going to let it go today but at some point I'm going to blow a massive amount of fermented barf of "injustices" that I've collected over the weeks, months, and years to hurl at you the moment you have a misstep that sends me over the edge --spewing every mistake that you have ever made (past and present), drowning you in a slow death of every failure! Just terrible! I surely do not want every mistake I've made recounted every time my hubby has a bad day!
Solution: Forgive. Forget. Easily said, hard to do. Just remember forgiveness doesn't equate an acceptance or an I'm okay with the choice or choices you have made. Forgiveness is simply 'I forgive your inequities because I have lots of them that I need to be forgiven for'. Pardon, Remission, Condonation, Absolution, Mercy: look 'em up and act them out!
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